hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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