Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
