He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
