im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
