We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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