Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
