At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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