he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize