its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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