i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize