happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize