Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
time to smoke my breakfast
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
