She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
