I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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