it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
