Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
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