You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
