Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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