she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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