Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I made him laugh his dick is mine
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
