He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
