took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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