Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Farmville is her only friend.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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