Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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