Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
