It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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