He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Fuck appropriateness.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
