note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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