he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Don't EVER smell your tampon
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
