as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
