If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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