whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
