Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
why is half of my head shaved?
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