She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
