She said her name was "party"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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