So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
