Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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