Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
