Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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