I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
