No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
