You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
