My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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