hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
