I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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