Swine flu. Run for my life!
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
