i think my tv is drunk
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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