Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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