tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
