okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
