ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
