just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
