oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
