Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
