I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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