I'm so fucking centered right now
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
