I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
