Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
