i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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