The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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