K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
