just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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