Sry I called you an 8
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
