It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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