So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
