I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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