btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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