p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
