i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
pray to the hookup gods
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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