y did u give ur computer a hand job?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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