On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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