There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
