every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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