Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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