Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
